Thanks for joining me. I’m ever so sorry it’s been a while!
Neither myself, nor my #StupidExHuman are qualified Doctors in Psychiatry, Medicine, Voodoo, Thuganomics, or any other such field! Mostly, the work I have put in here is to indulge my own interest from my observations since childhood…mostly.
I’d always been curious to see how this individual would score on Robert D. Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) and then if someone PROFESSIONAL with actual authority in this realm got wind of it and saw that something wasn’t quite right in WWE Land. Perhaps they’d maybe start asking the questions that need to be asked to the people that need to answer them.
I suppose I’m acting as somewhat of a sniffer dog here; I’ve found something suspicious that I feel deserves attention, but it’s beyond my full comprehension at this point, so I figure the best method of conveying this is by barking and pointing in the general direction of the problem.
Finally, please forgive me. I may have advertised this article/challenge as a physical contest with a title to be won; I said this in an attempt to bait the challenger, Vince McMahon. I did this because a friend of mine (</delusion>) wrote this list of traits to watch out for in people, so I thought it’d be interesting to see how Vince McMahon got through the PCL-R; if he’d bother to turn up, that is.
It’s a real shame too, I was sure my lure would work…
I’ve been waiting a while for this. Ring the damn bell!
Vincent Kennedy McMahon:
The gentleman we shall be looking at really needs no introduction, but if you are in need of a quick refresher, WWE themselves have conveniently made a video-list of Vince McMahon’s most dominant characteristics parodied by others.
Personally, I think a lot of people will meet me with resistance on this one, claiming the Chairman “isn’t that bad” and that I’m getting mixed up between his real-life personality and the televised alter-ego. Something tells me that this is going to be one of those instances where most of the horror stories are being held close and kept quiet…that is until Vince has perished and can no longer reign down on a disgruntled employee with an almighty vengeance.
It’s not like people haven’t tried to draw attention to the darker side of the family-friendly business in the past; it’s often in the name of doing the right thing while looking at the bigger picture, but some individuals are fearful of professional ruin at the hands of the most powerful figure in Sports Entertainment/Professional Wrestling. People are then forced to tiptoe around his extremely borderline mentality; a place where almost everything is black or white, good or bad, where you’re either with him or against him.
For someone that is often called intelligent, a genius and complex, there are a frightening number of instances where these elements of Vince’s character have obviously gone down to the pub to get absolutely shit-faced. Whether I’m seeing a petulant child running around in the costume of a 70-year-old billionaire, or noticing how similar an apparent “God” is to most American TV-salesmen that get fixated on buzzwords and using alliteration at every opportunity, it’s a bit silly.
Knowing all this about Vince, I was tickled during Becky Lynch’s “Becky 2 Belts” campaign. As soon as the name stuck around for more than a week, it was evident to me that Vince’s hatred of other’s use of the word “belt” instead of “championship” or “title” paled in comparison to adopting a sweet marketing hashtag and pelvic-thrusting towards a bit of the alit’.
Now that’s settled, I shall explain how this works. I have a list of twenty items/traits below and Junior here will be scored depending on how much of each is present in the little fella. Once all the answers are in, a score out of forty will be given and analysed.
- +0 points if the answer is “no”.
- +1 point if the answer is “some”.
- +2 points if the answer is “yes”.
I will state my case for each item, score it and then discuss the reasoning for the score. Some of them are much easier to rate and others will require more of me going back and forth in my head until a conclusive decision is made.
Fortunately, since Junior has entered my head-space and I’m more than familiar with digitally-fragmented personalities, I don’t actually need him to give me a response in order for me to extract the information I need.
*Random-battle swirly thing*
Round 1: Glibness/Superficial Charm
Individuals who are glib and superficial.
From his wardrobe of slimy suits, decades of churning out overproduced media, overcompensating with a style-over-substance mentality and the daily skirmish he engages in, fighting against his would-be beard, Vince makes every effort to look the part. It’s also worth noting that the majority of his workforce (at least historically) has had some form of surgery/implant/altercation in attempts to be more visually appealing, whether that be a fake tan, fake teeth, fake tits, or Hulk Hogan’s stupid bald-banishing-bandana, appearances are everything.
“What a manoeuvrer!” is (in my honest opinion) the noise someone makes when they’re trying to be a part of something that they know nothing about. Vince would throw this bad-boy around all over the shop in order to appear to keep up with the other commentators.
This type of person can be found in most parts of the Earth, some are known to folk as slippery salesmen; to others, they’re just bull-shitters.
Result: +2 points
I remember being a kid (mid-late 80’s) and I’d see Vince on the TV. I didn’t know why at the time, but I always knew something wasn’t quite right and I thought Vince stood out like a sore thumb.
I also remember my parent’s warnings about “Stranger-Danger” and ever since then, alarm bells rang whenever I saw the man’s smile. It’s a genuine shame I didn’t listen at the time, as I’ve still been throwing money at his business for the majority of my life.
Round 2: Grandiose Sense of Self-worth
Individuals who are egocentric and have a grandiose sense of self-worth.
History books inform us that Vince owns a pin-fall victory over THE Christian God and believes he’s the equally important God of Sports Entertainment…and Wrasslin’ too, but don’t tell Vince about the latter, since it’s obviously the lower-grade, white-trash excretion of the former and NO I DIDN’T EVER LIVE IN A TRAILER PARK, I’M A WINNER, DAMMIT!
He’s been told, “yes” and been called a “genius” by almost everyone for forever and a day now. This is because he’s the boss and NOT because he’s always right. At live shows, idiots in the crowd will often bow to the character they love to hate, but the “human” assumes it’s for his overwhelming greatness and figures that this is the crowd approving of his continued contamination of the industry.
Behind the scenes are legions of employees singing and dancing for him in his own personal puppet show; with everyone super-keen to prove their worth at the expense of their bodies, mental health, family, friends and life. If you ask me, that’s quite a lot of power for one person to hold.
Speaking of power, a lot of predator-types have other predators decorating their home, office and other environments they frequent. Some of the common culprits are eagles, bears, maybe a lion, but Big ol’ Vincent Kennedy McMahon has to top all of those claims at the food chain, as he has a damn T-Rex skull chomping through his office wall.
I spent a while searching for a quality copy of this picture, and it took me longer to realise the original photo within this was a part of Vince’s tweet and he’s obviously already marked his territory digitally by posting this online. Vince’s ego saved me some time in the end though, despite making me look a bit daft. Cheers, big lad.
Result: +2 points
With a God-complex and a Tyrannosaurus residing within his own personal Arcadia (tactfully titled “Titan Towers”), this was another easy one to score, full marks for you, Mr McMahon. Evidently, I’m confident that The Genetic Jack-hammer surely has to be equipped with one of the mightiest “attachments” in all the land…and none of this is overcompensation at all…
Round 3: Need for Stimulation/Proneness to Boredom
Individuals who have an excessive need for stimulation and are unusually prone to becoming bored.
Well…where to begin with this one? I mean it, seriously. Vince McMahon is the epitome of a bored child, he’s just fortunate enough to have the funds to throw ideas at the wall all day to see which will stick.
How many times have we seen new talent called up from NXT (and the like), to be thrown at us frantically for a couple of weeks, only to vanish without a trace? Too many times! However, that’s not the case for everyone in Vince’s playground of pretty playthings; some may even get a massive push, despite their interest/talent/experience.
Vince is famously a contender for “Workaholic of the Century”, clocking in only a few hours sleep a night for the majority of his life. If he owns some form of a wrist-worn body monitor, I’d be very interested to see how much REM sleep he actually gets while trying to sleep, and how often his body forces him to perform tasks usually done during sleep, while he’s awake, wandering about and having an effect on people’s lives.
Result: +2 points
No hesitation here, two points. It was reported that Vince resorted to throwing sweets at his sleeping workforce while he was bored on a plane ride overseas. The poor buggers were obviously trying to rest up from the gruelling grind that is working for Vince McMahon, but he wasn’t having any of it.
I wonder how many of his staff were experienced support workers before joining the payroll.
Round 4: Pathological Lying
Individuals who habitually lie and deceive others, including people they are close to.
How many people have waited for favours to be returned by Vince? After his departure, CM Punk told all of us about Vince’s longest-running, weekly, episodic plate of bullshit with the promise of “I’ll owe you one”, over and over again. Dolph Ziggler appears to be the latest victim of Vince breaking a handshake deal in order for Ziggler to continue to enjoy his stand-up comedy tour. These are just two of the more well-known instances of McMahon saying whatever he needs to just to get his own way.
Vince is the salesman that methodically worked his own father and the industry his old man loved, not to mention all the times venturing into someone’s underwear was involved. Back when he was battling “Billionaire Ted Turner”, Vince wasn’t exactly broke, but he wasn’t AS dirty, filthy rich as Turner…yet. This left the door wide open for Vince to play the scrappy underdog card and exaggerate the status of Turner the Dark Overlord. Vince wanted to scrub out as many grey areas as possible and make his battle that of good vs. evil, it got rather petty and dirty at times and was not a great showing for Vince, especially now that we can look back at it all.
Even the fans of WWE are tired of Vince’s line about him listening to them and promising change over and over again. He’s starting to sound like he needs to do a duet with Saddam Hussain.
My word, that fits a little too well for my liking.
Result: +2 points
Did I mention he’s a ‘sbloody salesman? I think you’ll find a “guide to professional fib-telling” in their induction pack, between the columns on “fear of loss” and “painting pictures”.
Round 5: Cunning/Manipulative
Individuals who cheat, defraud and/or manipulate others, including people they are close to.
Vince sees himself as The Walt Disney of Sports Entertainment, which sounds like a positive thing when painted with the colourful, family-friendly paintbrush of wholesome entertainment; instead of the greedy, subversive, corporate puppet-master that reigns above us all. Smiles on faces, pal.
Buying all the good talent from the middle-upper classed territories in order to ruin the local promotions by leaving them no drawing power meant Vince always did fantastic business when travelling through ghost towns and trailer park arenas and he eventually swallowed up anyone/thing that was left.
“Philanthropy is the future of marketing” is a statement famously tweeted by one of Vince’s grapefruit minions, Stephanie McMahon. I’ve discussed before the strange relationship Vince has with his daughter, and previous evidence suggests that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to Vince and Daddy’s little girl and figuring out that the way to the purse-strings of the masses is to tug the heartstrings beforehand and make sure you’ve got your own camera team there to capture and advertise just how charitable you are on your international platform.
Vince is also sneaky as fuck when it comes to contracts and matters regarding intellectual property. It always appears to be in your best interest to pick WWE over anyone else, whether this is making it difficult for The Rock to take his stage name to Hollywood with him, or be it handcrafting the start of a future film career for Steve Austin, solely to dangle in front of him to use as bait to get him to re-sign to the WWE, Vince will try every trick in the book.
Result: +2 points
Again, not a tough one. I’d score this one higher if I could. Full marks for being as tactful as a boot to the balls when it comes to Black/Hispanic history months and their coincidental pushes/storyline focuses/interest.
And don’t think I’m not going to mention that shambolic showing displayed above with the neck brace; Andy Kaufman needed to be in that transparent Hall of Fame years ago for this mockery alone, not to mention everything Kaufman did for the business.
Round 6: Lack of Remorse or Guilt
Individuals who lack remorse or guilt for their criminal and non-criminal actions.
As well as Vince dismissing his assimilation of the Wrestling Territories as them burying themselves for not being him/the (then) WWF, he’s been touring his one-man-show of heartless acts across the world for as long as anyone remembers; shitty things that he’d undoubtedly do over again if given the chance, to people who have more often than not done a lot for him.
Evidently, no one is safe from Vince’s black heart. Warnings go out to all family, spouses and employees old and new.
Result: +2 points
If Vince was into tattoos, I’d put money on him getting the infamous “Bret screwed Bret” line inked on himself somewhere. Vince believed this to such a degree, that when he had the chance to cut the work\shoot promo that aired on Raw, the planets had aligned in his mind and he fused his work-self and (previously) private-self to give birth to the Mr McMahon “character”, which was just how he really felt/behaved, turned up to eleven.
Round 7: Shallow Affect
Individuals who have a shallow affect and lack the ability to experience a normal range of emotions.
Before I continue so thoroughly picking apart someone’s personality, I’m going to extract somewhat of a positive nugget from these worrying traits. Remember for a moment, when Vince ran in to fix the botched Royal Rumble ending and he just about broke his own legs in front of the world!
I’ll give you a minute…
Now that you’ve finished cringing, laughing, applauding, and crying, let’s take a moment to admire how Vince just grit his teeth and steamed through tearing both quads like an absolute beast.
Okay, back to work.
I guess I have a different perspective because I’m not in the business of selling anything and everything 24/7, but “Learn to eat shit and like the taste of it” is a horrible mantra, in my opinion. You don’t have to like the taste of everything in order to get by, surely you just need to tolerate it. This goes for life in general too, you don’t have to like everything in order to like/be liked by everyone.
Making lemonade from lemons or chicken salad from chicken shit is at least constructive and rewarding in a sense you’re taking something that’s rubbish and making something good from it. Learning how to no-sell having shit in your mouth, smiling, asking for more and asking what demographic to target this particular flavour to sounds like it leads to a pretty shallow existence.
Bafflingly, everyone is welcome back into the fold if they do as they’re told and if the price is right. Unsurprisingly, the WWE’s marketing choices are just as morally loose; whether it’s a group of elite athletes advertising fat-fuelled fast food, cups of carcinogenic carbonated crap, or the delusion that is Vince’s six-monthly showcasing of all his favourite toys to a super-rich fan in Saudi Arabia.
I see this lack of depth again when it comes to selling the WWE product to TV stations. In my opinion, everything should be on the WWE Network, first and foremost. Let’s make that the best possible product and get it over with the die-hard fans again. Once that’s up there and your core fan-base are vibrating with excitement wherever they go in the fleshy or digital worlds, others will come and check out what they’re so keen for. THEN let those TV vultures pick what they want to air and sell to their sponsors, have some fucking integrity, you whore.
Vince is currently making a show that caters to him primarily, the sponsors secondly and then the people that actually wanted to watch some wrasslin’ have to make do with the shit that’s leftover and are told to learn to like the taste of it.
Life’s a bitch and then you die.
Result: +2 points
Such an easy score to give with such consistent narcissistic behaviour. He’s only ever been seen as Robo-salesman 5000, furiously yelling at someone, letting his cock do the walking/talking and once every few blue moons, we’ve seen some TV-tears.
Even as I am now, I have memories of a little sister growing up, it’s not hard for me to recall, compare and realise when someone’s sobbing is nothing more than a work. Vince has wept on camera, as well as told a story about crying when his father died, but I’m yet to be convinced of the legitimacy of a single tear the man has pushed out. I never see any activity or emotion on his face, just the prop/tear.
Round 8: Callous/Lack of Empathy
Individuals who have a profound lack of empathy and a callous disregard for others.
A lot of the time, people that have been dealt a shit hand in early life are able to empathise with others, but not Vinny Mac. Vince despises weakness to the point that his hatred of hiccups and sneezing are known far and wide. Just because he’s overcome poverty and adversity, he assumes everyone can and should do, those who can’t are often presented with anger/contempt.
‘Member Vince’s Jim Ross impression?
Oooh, I ‘member. Didn’t he also fire Jerry Lawler’s Mrs for no given reason and subsequently Lawler for standing up for her? Yeeeeeeah, he did…what a cunt!
Only a couple of examples so far in this category, but there’s plenty more strewn across the rest of this wall of text. Disgusting behaviour, if you ask me, especially when Vince had spent so many years pilfering knowledge from Ross and King, as well as the minds of most others that he eventually unceremoniously sacked.
Result: +2 points
Everyone’s just a toy in Vince’s bottomless toy-chest and he’ll use them however he sees fit. It takes one kind of person to cheat on their Mrs. and proudly own up to it when you’re caught out…numerous times and then repeat that behaviour; it takes another type of non-human altogether to rub the nose of said Mrs. in a flavour of the mess that she’s forgiven you for.
I’m guessing that Linda opted for shoot-drugging herself just so she could breeze through this egotistical angle and not get caught staring at Trish’s rack as much as her husband did.
Round 9: Parasitic Lifestyle
Individuals whose financial dependence on others is a part of their lifestyle.
Vince’s eyes must have widened when he discovered his dad had a few bucks in his pocket, so he went ahead and met him and then weaselled his way through the entire industry.
Vince loves a loyal Lawyer. So much so, he gave David Otunga a job (can’t see any other reason he’s there) and he also married one; one that specialised in trademarking and intellectual property…convenient.
Since then, he’s used his power and money to surround himself with sycophantic stooges, fools that are willing to do anything to impress the boss; and let’s also not forget his hand-raided roster of veterans and sages from territories of old, talent and backstage staff alike.
Result: +1 point
HISTORIC, FIRST TIME EVER SINGLE POINT SCORE!
Excuse me. It seems I’ve spent a bit too much time in the head of Vince.
Anyway, I may be giving the benefit of the doubt here, but due to a bottomless bank account in his later life, I think Vince could be a lot worse than he presents now, so I’ve scored this item one point (rounded down from 1.9). He may have used people for other benefits in the past, but it seems the majority of his life has been spent avoiding financially abusing people…unless of course, you’re one of those who feel let down with their WWE Network subscription, have bought their wares or invested in their stock over the years.
Round 10: Poor Behavioural Controls
Individuals who have poor control over their behaviour.
How many affairs/dick wetting auditions is he on now? I’m not just talking about the ones he’s admitted to either. In his 2001 Playboy interview, Vince states that he only admitted to names Linda directly asked about, she didn’t need to know what she didn’t suspect.
He’s fast off the mark when it comes to a good tantrum and it’s not long before he finds some petty way to “get even” with anyone that wrongs him, disappoints him or he feels owes him; see Bret screwed Bret, CM Punk gets a lovely letter at his wedding, Jerry Lawler and The Kat get fired, Ricky “Dragon” Steamboat not being allowed family time and the IC belt, and let’s not forget just how petty the defecting talent from WCW was portrayed in those Billionaire Ted skits.
Oh yeah, getting drunk and pissing on Ric Flair’s hotel bed sounds like a solid reason to go on tour with Vince too!
Result: +2 points
‘Member when Vince freaked out at Titus O’Neil on the stage a few years back and suspended him? I ‘member, full points!
Round 11: Promiscuous Sexual Behaviour
Individuals who have promiscuous, impersonal and/or trivial sexual relationships.
I honestly believe Vince sees no boundaries when it comes to what gets his grapefruit gushing. There were numerous affairs with female staff, those awful incest-filled storyline pitches he made when Stephanie fell pregnant, and even talk of him engaging in backstage oral workshops with certain male talent back in the day, in order to further their careers.
As well as kissing Trish Stratus and numerous other women on the job, he’ll take ANY opportunity to tell us how horny and fertile he is, by going on about his grape-fruits and all that.
During his childhood, he went into the woods, got naked and played around with his cousin, yikes.
I’m starting to regret writing this piece now.
Additionally, Vince McMahon also really likes big, sweaty men, he doesn’t remember losing his virginity and he shoved crushed up leaves inside his cousin when they were super young…two points, let’s move on, please.
Round 12: Early Behaviour Problems
Individuals who experienced serious behavioural problems at the age of 12 or younger.
Childhood abuse at home wasn’t his fault, of course, but it’s all relevant to his development and is important here. Not having positive role models offering any form of nurturing and instead, being left entirely to the wilds of nature can potentially lead anyone down a very tumultuous path.
Vince can’t even appreciate why kids love Father Christmas and he just has to spoil the illusion at every possible opportunity, often revealing it was someone we were already familiar with in costume.
Young Vince’s personalised path involved street fighting, selling moonshine and stealing cars, or so he says. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a whole list of other activities he partook in and wasn’t caught for back in the day.
Result: +2 points
Vince himself will admit that he was quite the bell-end when he was younger, this, of course, sets him up his own version of that popular American tale of personal redemption and conquering the world properly in his mature years, see also: The “Rebirth” of HBK, Stone Cold Still Advocates Alcoholism (But Leaves His Mrs Alone) and Kurt Angle’s Clean Now (It’s True, It’s True).
Round 13: Lack of Realistic Long-term Goals
Individuals who are not able or willing to develop and carry out realistic, long-term plans and/or goals.
Despite being an incredibly successful man, Vince McMahon has wasted a hell of a lot of time and money on short-sighted, lust-filled projects.
*Ace Ventura inhale*
These include (but are not exclusive to): Bobby Lashley, Ryback, The Ultimate Warrior, Mabel, Diesel, Isaac Yankem, Ezekiel Jackson, Giant Gonzalez, Ahmed Johnson, Nathan Jones, Lex Lugar, a library of straight-to-DVD films, Smackdown Records, ICOPRO, WWF New Times\Niagara Falls, Million Dollar Mania, the WBF and the XFL.
More recently, this behaviour still lingers around, like a bad smell. The 2019 Superstar Shake-Up had a long-term plan, at one point, but then changed again and again. The sheer pig-headedness of forcing Roman Reigns in everyone’s face and throat simultaneously as the top baby-face for years, felt like I was asked to pay to watch someone slam their face into a wall repeatedly, cheer it, and then be satisfied with the lack of results/fun had.
Result: +1 point
He’s got enough money to throw ideas at the wall all day long and eventually, something half decent will stick. He’s been incredibly successful with some of his ideas, but if you were to write an extensive list of creative hits and misses, Vince wouldn’t get over as the genius he’s advertised as being.
His entire world is limited to the bubble around him, so the majority of the points listed above will probably equate to a regular human burning their dinner, going on a bad date, or applying for a job they’re really not suited for.
All in all, he’s achieved a hell of lot more in his life than most ever will, so it’s just a single point for this item.
Round 14: Impulsivity
Individuals who act in impulsive ways.
So many ideas have been red-lighted and green-lighted within a short time from each other, I reckon folk have become red/green colour-blind during the same show on occasion….wonder if that’s covered by the WWE’s medical.
As of writing this, Vince has rewritten whole Raw and Smackdown shows mere hours before going live and there’s even fearful word of him wanting to creatively get his grubby paws on NXT too.
Result: +2 points
This is another one that’s obvious to everyone and has been forever. There’s more flip-flop in Vince’s head than on a bouncy castle entertaining ten Matt Riddles. Full points.
Round 15: Irresponsibility
Individuals who are irresponsible in a variety of areas.
With gems such as “Bret screwed Bret” and “Owen knew the risks”, Vince has never been good with taking responsibility. I was especially amused with his mindset that nobody understood the XFL and that it failed because of stupid fans/sponsors that didn’t “get it”.
When talent fails to perform/get over and Vince feels like it’s obviously not his input that’s at fault, so it’s often the struggling performer that receives the finger point of blame. Here’s one such incredible talent’s mental manifestation of his own boss.
And not so funnily, it’s no secret that he works his roster to death with a ridiculous schedule and level of expectancy. He obviously does this while he saves as much money as possible in the process, by avoiding to look out for his talent with his “independent contractor” horse shit.
Result: +2 points
Another easy one for me to grade. To be honest, I saw the title and thought I’d already done this item. Two points.
Round 16: Failure to Accept Responsibility for Own Actions
Individuals who are unable or unwilling to accept personal responsibility for their actions.
I feel a little like a broken record due to the bleed-over between the evidence for some of these items, so let’s look at something Vince told Playboy Magazine in 2001:
Havelock is right outside the Marine base at Cherry Point. There was a place called the Jet Drive-In. Real creative–the Jet, because of all the military jets at the base. On Friday and Saturday nights it was time to get it on with the Marines. It was a challenge. Most of them were in great condition, but they didn’t know how to pick a fight. I’m not saying they were easy pickings. They got their testosterone going and they were all liquored up. Some of them were real tough. But me and my guys were street fighters. I mean, maybe you’ve been through basic training and you know how to operate a bayonet. That’s different from sticking your finger in somebody’s eye or hitting a guy in the throat, which comes naturally to a street fighter. And they can’t believe you’re not “fighting fair.” Suddenly they can’t breathe and/or see, and they realize: “Oh my God, am I in for an ass-kicking.”
I see a couple of things within this statement. Firstly, it seems Vince has already justified his behaviour (to himself at least) by highlighting the lack of creativity with the local hangout’s name and gives the impression that the Marines had it coming. Secondly, amidst the bragging, he points out that the blame lays with the Marines since they’re ignorant enough to think they were going to have a good, clean fight.
Again, “Bret screwed Bret” and “It’s all part of a story-line”; more evidence of Vince washing his hands and hiding behind the Mr McMahon character/distorted reality.
Result: +2 points
Vince claiming to be God is claiming to be infallible and the above reasons further highlight the truth in this. It’s a big, scary world out there and Vince sees it as a food chain; if you get eaten along the way, that’s just how it was supposed to be.
Round 17: Many Short-term Marital Relationships
Individuals who have had many short-term marital relationships.
To be fair, Vince has only been married the once, but his affairs, I assume, much like his attention span towards talent and angles, is fleeting, to say the least.
Result: +1 point
One actual marriage in more than thirty years seems very promising, but I can’t help take his numerous flings/affairs that acted like travelling live-in relationships into account. Let’s take the middle ground here with a single point.
Round 18: Juvenile Delinquency
Individuals who were delinquent as juveniles.
Back in the day, nothing brought Vince more joy than the discomfort and frustration others displayed when their boss would amuse himself and his creative monkeys by forcing someone to take a dip in the nearby pool while they were fully dressed. #LadsLadsLads
More recently, Vince has found humour in moments of a Super Hero In Training, Michael Cole calling anal/rectal bleeding at commentary, Natalya farting, “Choppy choppy your peepee!”, Vicki Guerrero swimming in a shitty pig-pen on her way out of the company, The Revival’s back-shaving and also, despite their success/popularity, let’s not overlook the childishness of D-Generation X.
Over in WCW, the NWO was acting like the older brother, kicking arse and taking dinner/pocket money, DX was the immature, younger sibling, trying to get attention by mimicking, farting and wind-milling their little pickles at the dinner table.
Any attention is good attention, I suppose.
Result: +2 points
Anyone who is THAT amused by THAT many childish jokes deserves a poke in the eye or just two points on here.
Round 19: Revocation of Conditional Release
Individuals who have violated a conditional release or escaped from an institution.
Why would anyone need to learn from their mistakes when their wallet, crocodile tears and/or status is allowed to bail them out every time? It doesn’t matter if it’s his employees, his wife, his sponsors or his customers, we get let down by him, accept an empty apology and then we act surprised when shit hits the fan once more.
I wonder how many people are going to be let down by round two of “You’re not enjoying Football properly, dammit!” and if Vince has learned any lessons since last time.
Result: +2 points
He’s the ruler of a manufactured echo-chamber, modestly labelled a Universe and he’s the owner of enough money to buy/silence anyone/anything he wants. Vince is still obviously absent from any discussion about learning from his mistakes, often blaming the stupidity of the fans or sponsors, whilst repeatedly doing the same thing over and over again. (See also: “Managing to breathe with a Roman Reigns rammed down your throat, episode 873 of Vince spoon-feeding good shit to stupid fans”)
Round 20: Criminal Versatility
Individuals who, while adults, have been charged with many different types of crimes.
Whether it’s taking/distributing steroids, harbouring Jimmy Snuka, dealings with The Horrendous Moolah, accusations of rape/sexual assault, covering up a ring-boy scandal, defrauding stockholders, or any of the things mentioned earlier from his younger days, Vince McMahon can never keep his nose clean for very long…*sniff*.
Without successful prosecution and individuals involved magically having less to say on the matter when thinking long-term about their careers/livelihoods, Vince has managed to keep himself out of serious trouble so far and so only claims a single point in this final round.
However, Robert Hare writes on Page 68 of “Without Conscience” that:
Observations such as this help maintain my gut instinct; that there’s no smoke without fire and I generally have a decent nose for this sort of thing. So, I’m not letting him off the hook completely, but I’m also not going to paint him in the worst of lights, based purely on the potential.
36/40 – Bad times.
Getting over 30 points is generally a concern.
If I was a professional (or a physical being), I’m sure someone would be on their way to ask a few questions.
Now, I’m NOT suggesting that we all march round to Vince’s place, wrap him in a straight jacket and toss him into a padded room. There have been a few occasions in time where I’ve grabbed the wrong end of the stick, as it were. My main concerns and motivation for writing this piece were for the giant workforce that all inevitably have to answer to Vince.
In my opinion, someone that spends a lot of time paddling/deep-sea diving in the negative personality traits listed above, should not have such dominion over the personalities, family lives, personal lives, financial business of other people.
Finally, although I’m not a massive fan of labelling individuals with something that may never leave them, airing such personal profiling out into the public eye, or focusing on the negative too much, someone we all know is okay with this and that’s Vince McMahon. A quick replay of his “Billionaire Ted” skits are hilariously ironic as Vince McMahon was already (at least) half of what he was calling Ted Turner at the time.
Who would have known that Vince would far surpass Turner in the not so distant future?
Digest and discuss! Feel free to do so below or via Twitter.
Sources & Further Reading:
Vince McMahon’s 2001 Playboy Interview – (OCR Scanned)
“The Psychopath Test” – Jon Ronson (ISBN: 978-0-330-49226-3)
“Without Conscience” – Robert D. Hare PhD (ISBN: 978-1-57230-451-2)
My Own Senses – Over thirty years of being a wrestling fan.
-Background Artwork designed by Rachael Hope Media.
Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you again soon!